feeling the burn

today is not my day. let me count the ways.

slept in too late to go running. i also didn't run yesterday. it's going to rain all day, which means no running today and no jackson trip with dad to see becca.

while making breakfast, i managed to burn black plastic into my palm. i left some tongs too close to a still-red stove eye and grabbed them without thinking.

then, i set the same tongs back onto the same eye and burned more black plastic onto the stove.

my coffee got cold during all of this. more proof that i should drink coffee before doing anything else, always. so i heated it up, apparently far too long, and coffee erupted all in my microwave.

i'm not sure i should get out of my pajamas, much less out of the house.

adventures of sister in blogland

sister's got a blog!

http://eatwiseanna.blogspot.com/

while my blog is about my life observations and/or the troubles i find myself in, her blog is more productive. she will be blogging about the paleo diet and exercise. to me, it (paleo, not the blog) sounds un-fun, but then i've never liked a diet, ever. no doritos, no deal. i gotta be me.

check her out!

p.s. sister, you may want to post again...

speaking of exercise, did i tell you i am running a half-marathon? becca, anna and i are all running the big d in dallas. i've never run more than 10 minutes straight on a treadmill in my life. currently, i'm up to 5 miles non-stop. i can't get over myself. i've made some other self-discoveries as well. i don't like to run indoors on a treadmill, and i'm getting really good at spitting. wish us luck april 15!

rocky the flying squirrel

if you've been to visit us, you know we live in a little tree house in the woods in the middle of town. we're surrounded by woodland creatures: deer, 2 barking foxes, sink-lovin' lizards, owls, creepy crawlies, and a whole mess of kung-fu fighting squirrels that passionately battle out turf wars in our walls at least 4 times a day. our woods are also home to at least one flying squirrel. let me tell you how we met.

last friday morning i woke up at 5 am to some strange shuffling sounds. i heard papers ruffling and metal dinging and some scraping noises. i knew we had our first intruder and woke up the lawyer so we could have the classic "i-heard-a-strange-noise-downstairs" moment. so, down the stairs he went to investigate. he came back to bed empty-handed, said it must have been the dog, and promptly thanked me for making him feel like a man. i tried to back to sleep until 6, convincing myself roxy was just continually readjusting her position on the futon. loudly.

it is pertinent to note roxy was silent throughout this entire episode.

at 6 am, the alarm went off. i got up to silence it and heard a crash. silence from roxy's corner. our intruder was still at large and now breaking stuff. i ran downstairs, turning on all the lights and trying to find out what had fallen. as i entered the kitchen, i saw my kitchen spoon holder and a glass jar knocked over. and on the stove, peeking over the rim of a roasting dish, was a teeny tiny squirrel.

he was so cute, all balled up and looking at me from across the kitchen, as if to say, "oh, did i wake you? my bad, kids." i took a picture first, like anyone should, then thought about how to convince the little fella back out into the wild blue (ok, dark) yonder. someone had left peanut butter on the counter, so that seemed like my best bet. squirrels like peanut butter, right?

wrong. rocky was not having it. perched on the window ledge, i was all in his face with a spoon of peanut butter, and he was all, "why you think i want some peanut butter? who told you squirrels like peanut butter? get that spoon out of my face" and scurrying around behind the electronics, threatening to fry himself and start a house fire at the same time. let me lay this out for you - the lawyer and i were in our jammers, in the kitchen with all the lights on, me with a spoonful of peanut butter and him with a box, trying to communicate "get out of our house please" to a wide-eyed flying squirrel and our dog, our domesticated animal of prey and noted hunter of rodents, continued to lay on the futon totally unaffected. until she smelled the peanut butter and came out to beg. that's when rocky took a flying leap from the top of the door frame to the open pantry and threatened to overturn everything in it. after some instinctual quick moves on the lawyer's part, an open back door and lots of arm flailing and "no, rocky, not that way!" from me, rocky finally got the hint and took off. roxy's quizzical looks into the pantry were not a contributing factor.

i still have no idea how he got inside. i still am absolutely baffled by roxy's non-behavior. now all the creatures will have no fear of us. our house will be overrun by april. we might as well leave all our doors open. at least the peanut butter will be safe.

christmas apathy

well, wasn't this just a christmas for the books? i was a bit of a scrooge. well, more apathetic really. below, my christmas apathy in parts:

we didn't put up a tree. my mother bought me a fake tree when i was in an apartment in college. it served me faithfully through college and 4 years of marriage. but when we moved, i was tired of packing and really couldn't fit another thing into my car. so i left our faithful tree in the hall closet with intentions of buying a new one here. glad we didn't, because we had no room for one anywhere.

we didn't put up a wreath. when we moved to small town, mom got us a cute wreath hanger and a fall wreath. i'm not much for decorating, and the pretty christmas wreaths are insanely expensive, but last year i did finally get a cute pinecone wreath for christmas. pretty sure it's sitting in our storage unit right now, along with other life items.

we didn't put up a garland. because we've never put up a garland.

we didn't put up ornaments. no tree, remember? not even a tiny one. kind of sad, because we have some cute ornaments, and when we got married, my m-i-l gave me a whole box of ornaments that belonged to the lawyer as he grew up. awwww. however, a little christmas did sneak through via my mother. (are you picking up on that theme?)

the lone ranger

we didn't put up lights. even though my house is covered in christmas lights that no longer work, if they ever did. but i promise you we're not about to climb up and down ladders unstringing them. the only thing we could have decorated is the washing machine out front that lowe's didn't haul away. i think it would have been kind of awesome. it's a good thing we do not live on street front property, because i'm pretty sure our neighbors would have sued us or something.

we didn't put out the nativity. i'm actually a little sad about this one, because it's really pretty and i actually took it out of storage a few months ago. plus, it's the whole reason we even celebrate christmas. but it's just been hanging out in the boxes by my bathroom door/rack with the dog food.

we didn't get to see my mom and sisters on christmas day. for the first time in my entire life. it sucked, and i cried. twice.

the only upside to this whole christmas-decoration-avoidance? i don't have to put up a. single. thing. booyah! now, off to run (more on that later) followed by light dusting/vacuuming and more bulldog nation. happy new year!

This is why you need a list.

A list of things forgotten on our annual turkey day trip to hot springs.

-the lawyer's playbook (retrieved after we turned around for it)
-becca's purse, which includes most notably her id, cash money and lip gloss, and which we did not retrieve on our first false start
-tents left in storage instead of at our house for our friend to set up our tailgate
-the lawyer's left sneaker
-the lawyer's jacket
-the lawyer's humor

If you will note, I did not forget anything. And speaking of losing your humor...

The lawyer is generally even-keeled and a good sport about most things. So when he's in a bad mood, I usually a) get tickled, b) try not to "poke the bear," or c) both a) and b). Last night, the bear was in a bad mood. As we passed through the last town before the MS delta, he indicated he was hungry. After turning up his nose at the generous offerings of fast food, he settled on Taco Bell. Becca discovered her missing purse after we had our hearts set on some cheesy fiesta potatoes. We walked in to inform the lawyer. However, I couldn't even stay to enjoy his reaction because of another patron, who had made the unfortunate decision to accent his dylan-from-90210 brown haircut with orange racing-stripe highlights. I could not handle it - I had to leave before I laughed in his face. We finished our wait in the car. And then, the lawyer came back to the car with this gem of a story.

Ben: I'd like a steak burrito.

Taco Bell employee of the month: We don't have steak burritoes.

Ben: (looking up at the menu) Well, what do you have?

TBEOM: Steak Supreme Burrito.

Ben: Well, what makes it "supreme?"

TBEOM: Sour cream.

Ben: Then I'd like a steak supreme burrito without sour cream.

At this time, I'd like to issue a warning to all minimum-wage and middle-management personnel between here and there: Please don't poke the bear.

trick or teat

i dressed up as hello kitty for halloween. i was the cutest ever. an $8 headband and some face paint - yellow nose, black whiskers - also makes it one of the cheapest ever.

the office crew

after work, i went by my in-laws just to chat and show off my ridiculously cute alter-ego. i came home 2 hours later with a homemade chicken pot pie. i kind of love being back in hometown.

the lawyer and i recently purchased a small drop-leaf table and chairs. for the first time in over 4 years of marriage, we have a place besides the couch to eat dinner. so, naturally, i force us to eat dinner there as much as i can. unless we're having cheese puffs and/or ice cream for dinner, because then we have dinner on the couch.

i heated up the pot pie and set it in the middle of our table. i set out plates and silverware and poured 2 glasses of wine. since dinner was so fabulous, we didn't talk much during it. but towards the end of the meal, i noticed something.

sidebar - i am anal-retentive, bossy and stubborn.

the lawyer was holding his fork completely wrong. remember how beast held his fork in disney's beauty and the best and tried to slobber down the soup (or whatever) as it fell from his awkwardly-held utensil?

http://media.photobucket.com/image/beauty%20and%20the%20beast/LLSamSam/Gif%20Folder/tumblr_lhi829fY6f1qcetvf.gif?o=17

well, the lawyer wasn't that bad, but he was holding his silverware in the same awkward, scowl-inducing manner.

the lawyer: (oblivious)

kissey: what are you doing?

the lawyer: (still oblivious) what?

kissey: you're holding your fork wrong.

the lawyer: what? (eyes slant)

kissey: (scowling) you're holding your fork wrong. hold it like this. (demonstrates)

the lawyer: it's good. i'm hungry. leave me alone. plus, it's really hard to take you seriously with all that cat makeup on your face.

touche.

dinner plates

this is a 2-part post.

part 1: my dinner menu for the week. if you know me, or have worked with me, or have read any number of blog posts i've written, you know i like lists. my new coworkers love to inspect what i've jotted down or make fun of my non-sensical post-it notes, but i believe it only adds to my inexplicable charm. i like to write. it. down., then cross. it. off. it is a self-satisfying little thing i do. sometimes it causes me anxiety. but in those cases, i simply ignore the list. the real satisfaction comes from seeing activities numbered and printed on a random sheet of paper, and serves as a reminder of my potential. hence, there are many, many half-crossed lists around my house. apparently, i am not living up to my potential.

but tonight, there is a current, running list: our menu. i love a meal plan and accompanying grocery list, although i'm nowhere near as good as thisgirl. girlfriend is rockin' it! but back to me.

(list)

(uploaded from my new blogger app. smartphones are so NEAT.)

i try. i really do. and i have managed to really adhere to my dinner menu so far, so i'll recount it for you here. potential-measuring, if you will.

sunday - toasted gnocchi with pesto, tomatos & goat cheese. simple and yummy

monday - praise-the-braise chicken with feta & tomato. i love a crockpot. i improvised here with canned tomatoes with juice instead of broth and goat cheese.

tuesday - grilled lemon steelhead trout that looks suspiciously like salmon, with rice & brown sugar green beans.

wednesday - tricked-out pepperoni tombstone pizza. usually, it's leftovers, but i ate them for lunch today.

thursday - turkey turnovers. again with the subbing of goatcheese. mainly because i didn't feel like spending $15 on cheese, which is a major accomplishment for me.

friday - this says shrimp pesto pasta, but i'm betting on leftovers OR orange balsamic chicken thighs with spinach.

saturday - out of town. someone feed the lawyer, please.

sunday - this is usually pizza night, but i'm going with shrimp pesto pasta.

monday - leftovers, again usually reserved for wednesday nights.

tuesday - tuna steaks with rice and green beans (2 staples i keep stocked).

wednesday - black bean tortillas with prosciutto, goat cheese, corn and tomatoes.

thursday - pizza.

and that's as far as i've gotten. but i'm impressed with myself.

part 2: tonight's dinner conversation.

me: (mostly yapping about convos with friends while the lawyer gobbles up dinner)

the lawyer: (mostly gobbling while pretending to look interested in things he doesn't care about)

me: did you like it?

the lawyer: mmm, yes baby. really good. (exits table and opens deep freezer.)

me: are you getting ice cream?

the lawyer: yes.

me: what kind?

the lawyer: moose tracks.

me: can i have your wine?

this exchange is a total flip-flop of what normally happens.