i hate pantyhose

i'm wearing pantyhose today. it's cold outside and i'm wearing a dress (shout-out to high school self: they're not scary and you look good in them!), so pantyhose are a must. but i hate pantyhose.

there is nothing that can make you feel fat, even on on a skinny day, like a pair of pantyhose. i've got my undies hiked up baywatch-style, the hose are pulled up underneath my rib cage (trust me, it's a long way) to eliminate bumps and generally streamline, but i still feel like i'm wearing sausage casing. i'm fairly certain a man invented them.

sigh. (can't sigh too deep...)

blog vomit

i feel like i've been holding back all the things i really would like to blog about, but can't because of the effort i'm putting into this blog challenge. have you seen the pictures i've put up on here?? time. consuming.

i've got to get this stuff off my chest.
so, in no particular order, general musings/rants about life incidents.


i've joined a gym, in addition to the pilates studio. here's to getting my skinny on.

the law student is still cleaning like cinderella as we wait on job leads to ripen. i'm not complaining, but i still feel kind of usurped.

i made 160 dream cookies last night. i'm going to have to frost those suckers tonight. find the recipe on my blog by clicking on the label "dream cookies."

i'm already getting excited/anxious about the upcoming travel schedule and workload for the next week, with our last home football game and thanksgiving, then back home for one more football game. we are road warriors!

i'm a little pissed at small town and its recent dog leash law incidents. just because someone fell over and broke their wrist doesn't mean my little roxyface is in any way capable of malicious, unprovoked bloodlust or general rowdiness. and who are all these people that think the park is a dangerous place because of dogs? where did y'all come from? i've been going to this park daily for over 3 years - you must be talking about some other place. they're dogs, not hellhounds from the seventh circle. they like to run. i'm pretty sure i can manage my own dog, without a police officer in a golf cart riding around to see if roxy's off her leash or not, thankyouverymuch.

i've always been sort of a closet sci-fi fan, but chose instead to tease the law student about his extensive fantasy book collections. until i started reading one series. consider me out.

whew, i feel better.

post about posts

so, we're back from vacation. however, my body went into revolt. i developed a hellacious sinus infection that took me a week, a steriod shot, a round of antibiotics, a regimen of heavy-duty decongestant and a new found-love of the neti pot* to cure. pair that with a complete software and hardware update at work. let me just say i'm happy i can breathe again, literally and figuratively. the computer still has glitches, but now i can handle them instead of just saying "eff it" and falling asleep right there at my desk.

*neti pot--a fabulous little aladdin's lamp of warm water and saline solution that washes out your sinus cavities. i may be addicted. it could also double as a small house-plant watering can.

so, needless to say, i did not get a lot accomplished last week, especially here on the blog. i owe you several posts. here is a listing of posts to come*: graduation, los angeles (day-by-day in pictures), beautiful blog award, a wussy wednesday just for a friend, and general life musings.

*not that you'll necessarily see all of them. i'm notorious for making out to-do lists just to make myself feel better. i don't always have to finish the list. consequently, there are literally 5 half-marked to-do lists floating around the house.

so, first things first. i was nominated for a beautiful blog award from my friend elizabeth, who thinks i'm funnier than i really am. thank you! elizabeth, we really need to hang out soon. now, i have to nominate 7 people (7? maybe not 7) and contact them, and then tell you 7 things about me. but i'm changing the rules here. instead, i'll nominate some blogs that i think are worth checking out for you to visit. nominees are: kisses from katie, the redwoods on redbud, day and splashing with sara. katie, sara and day are all missionaries that inspire me. the redwoods are a family from church and i love reading about their daughter.

now, 7 things about me. hmmm....you already know i'm cute, i'm short, have a hard time finding jeans, love to cook, have a fear of being left behind in the rapture and an even greater fear of spiders, love the golden girls, save glass jars and plastic containers like my mom, and that i lint roll my dog. what else?

1) i did not know i had curly/wavy hair until after i graduated high school. i always just brushed and blew it dry. it never occurred to me that it was a sign of hidden texture. rainy days sure are easier. but now, no matter which way i style my hair, i wake up the next day with the opposite.

2) i love horses. i am absolutely obsessed with them. as a child, i drew them, read about them, pretended i was one, counted them incessantly on road trips. i knew all the breeds, colors, anatomy and equipment. i had more than 50 my little ponies and have breyer model horses at home. i was the kid who actually got a pony. 20 years later, we still have 3 at my grandmother's house. they still fascinate me. they terrify the law graduate.

3) my favorite snack is lays potato chips and a cold coke. i usually crave salt more than i crave sugar.

4) i hate having polish on my fingernails. it feels too heavy.

5) i really don't like to shop. it gives me a headache, can't make a decision and i have too much guilt. i'd rather spend my money on plane tickets, nice dinners and nights out with friends.

6) ice cream is my favorite dessert. i could eat it every night, which is probably why i cannot get rid of these pesky, persistent unwanted pounds. i think it comes from my dad. growing up, he had a bowl of ice cream every night after dinner. some time ago, when his cholesterol went up, the doctor advised him to lay off the ice cream. he did. the cholesterol went up higher. he resumed the ice cream.

7) i cannot comfortably sleep unless it is cold with a cool breeze on my face and there is a loud symphony of white noise machines. silence is too loud. tv or radio on? forget it. i can only do that on the couch. at home, i have the ceiling fan, a rather noisy air conditioner, the bathroom fan and a humidifier. it's really a lovely way to fall asleep, but it does become annoying when i'm not in my own bed. i wish i could sleep as soon as i laid down, but that is not me. and then i get on my own nerves.

ok, rain's gone, grill's on, and i have dinner to make. good night, and see you tomorrow!

the battle of the bulge

well, the battle of the pudge. just an insight into the weight battle of a short person (with large muscle mass and the ability to gain it quickly, which also seemingly lends itself to a higher body fat percentage): it has no where to go. even just 2 pounds shows up quickly and obviously. all y'all tall folks (you know, 5'6" and up) can just fluctuate away and never show it. from hip to ankle, i'm only 33 inches (approximate). i've gone from 114-ish to 119-ish in a week. blaaaaaaah.

all i can say is, i'm so glad those little mini twix bars in the secret candy drawer are gone. granted, i ate most of them, but they are gone.

wednesday wussy

there are not enough hours in the day. do any of y'all feel this way? between working during tax season, trying to lose weight, cook dinner (and make sure the kitchen is stocked!), teach pilates (more on that) and keep a clean house, a walked dog and a happy husband, there is no time left for me to veg out watching golden girls and olympic figure skating (which the law student says is not a sport. i disagree vehemently) or finish my painting unless i forego more than one of the above-listed necessary chores. i just cannot make it all happen before 9 o'clock.

more on pilates: i'm annoyed. i teach one class a week to pay for my membership, then sub in as needed. i was scheduled to sub for a 4:30 class last week in addition to my regular 5:45 class that day, when we had an emergency at work. plus, we were going to see the north mississippi allstars that night, and i wanted to work out, and cook dinner (please see grievance above), so i tried to get out of it due to the work emergency (i really didn't know what i would have to do, and our hours are extended during tax season). but she (instructor) wouldn't hear of it, not even due to the emergency and said there was no way we could cancel class. so i agree to teach (again), everything at work goes normally, and i head out to the studio at 4:30. now, this class alternates between an aerobics class and a pilates class. i only do pilates, so that's what i was teaching. so, how many people show up? ONE. it's normally a full class of college girls who come for cardio. i thought it was very strange none of them showed up. and why couldn't she teach the class? she had a date. in town. i ended up seeing her out at the show (with her date), and she apparently had started partying at 4:30 on the dot. now, she had cancelled the sunday class. why? again, her date. i know it's her business, but it seems silly to cancel a full afternoon class for lots of clients but not a repeat class for one person, all because of a date. but you can't go by me.

and that brings us to figure skating. the law student thinks this is a bogus sport because appearance plays a part in the judging. sorry, dude, no one wants to look at frumpy, ill-dressed figure skaters. they have to be perfect, glide seemingly effortlessly over ice on metal blades, jump in the air and land, and look good doing it too. time doesn't control the winner--they do, by constantly out-performing the previous skater. they are every bit as much an athlete as any other olympian. so there, law student.

p.s. the scale says 115.4 today--almost down to fighting weight! i'm sure it's just being polite, but i'll take it.

not me monday

i'm definitely not wearing pants that are just a smidge to tight to remind me what not to eat today. it's been a few months since 1) i could find these pants and 2) since i could actually fit into them without wincing every time i walked or sat down or moved in general. i didn't realize yogurt could make you feel fat. i'm pretty sure i weigh more than my mother did at my age, and she had already had one kid. hi mom! i know you read my blog. love you.

me and my big mouth

my mouth keeps getting me into trouble. the scale has never consistently stayed above 115 for weeks (okay, months. shut up.) on end. i absolutely hate it. i have never really had to deal with weight issues--it's always been relatively easy for me to use mostly minimal or moderate effort to stay in shape. i've NEVER had to restrict my diet. or if i have, i don't remember and it must have been way easier, probably because i was too busy partying or working out to notice. i know my exercise quota is lower now, and my eating is up (part of being married is a hungry husband!), but man! i do pilates, walk the dog, have started to incorporate cardio--i'm hitting a wall here! and since all this extra is settling right onto my belly, it all comes back to my mouth. so, diet restrictions it is. and to keep me accountable, i'm going to blog what i eat. every day. i know you are about to pass out from all the excitement. here goes.

monday: coffee with cream and sugar (from now on, cwc&s), one slice roast pork with carrots and potatoes, spaghetti with meat sauce, 1 chik-fil-a chicken nugget dipped in polynesian sauce, and most of a chik-fil-a cookies and cream shake. it was not as good as regular cookies and cream ice cream. exercise: walked the rox 1.5 miles on the track.

tuesday: cwc&s, greek yogurt with strawberries, 1 pack peanut butter crackers, 1 slice american cheese and some raisins while waiting on dinner, spinach salad with carrots, tomatoes, croutons and ranch; rice; sauteed zucchini and some crazy mexican chicken dish i made: 1/2 chicken breast and a sauce made up of cream of mushroom soup, sour cream, roasted tomatoes and black beans. i tried to make fisherman's bake cod, but the fish was slimy after its defrost and stunk up the whole house, so we threw it out. i made this chicken dish up on the fly, and it turned out ok. i must remember it and improve upon it. exercise: walked roxy mostly 1.5 miles at the track, taught pilates for 1 hour, then 30 minutes on an elliptical.

not only does my mouth getting me in trouble by taking in too much, it also gets me in trouble by speaking too much. i am haunted by this passage in matthew 12.

A Tree Is Known by Its Fruit

33 “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. 34 You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. 35 The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. 36 I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, 37 for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

jesus is talking to the pharisees here, but i think it applies. i've heard the phrase, "you will be held accountable for everything you say, not necessarily in a court of law." and i believe it to be true. our words are a direct reflection of the condition and contents of our hearts. jesus speaks harshly of a sharp tongue, and also clearly spells out there is no room for neutrality or fence-flopping in Him. words have power. it's truly terrifying to me to think that every word i have uttered, every curse, every shred of gossip and untruth and meanness, with or without thinking, will be used to judge me in the end. and it should be enough to scare the impulse out of me. i have struggled with this recently and am now recommitting to speak truth and kindness, even when i deem it undeserved, because i am undeserving.

here we go, again

let me start with a disclaimer.

this post is in no way to be interpreted as saying i am fat or unattractive. i am not one of those outrageously skinny girls who picks at her food, eats sunshine instead of food and constantly comments/obsesses over her weight. i realize in several years i will remember my figure with fondness and jealousy. i do not diet or view food as the enemy. i'm just short.


i am now going to live at the gym and eat vegetables. since tailgating football season began, i have put on about 3 pounds. well, maybe just 1 from tailgating, and 2 from elsewheres unknown. i hear you all groaning in disgust, but let's remember: i am 5 feet, 1 inch tall (thank you, terri), and 120 lbs. does not look good on me. it's got nowhere to hide! if i were 5 feet, 6 inches tall, we wouldn't be having this conversation. but on me, it just all kind of hangs out (literally) around my hips. which, might i add, is a new hangout and apparently a sign of aging. i guess the old ones (thighs) are no longer cool. i'm also very muscular, much like an out-of-shape gymnast, and i put on fat and muscle fairly quickly. and since pilates doesn't do that much for cardio, and neither does sitting under a tent at a football game eating yummy tailgate food and drinking beer, all those yummy little calories end up partying on my tummy.

you think i jest. you think wrong. jeans are tight on the hips. i was wearing my corduroy pants the other day (the cute ones from abercrombie kids before they changed the leg cut and that only cost $30) and when i got home, i just left them unbuttoned because they were tight. the law student actually noticed that they were unfastened. i find myself wanting to wear tshirts because they are loose where most of my clothes are fitted because i'm small and don't want my shape to get lost in big clothes. and i'm terrified to try to put on my french connection size 2 cute black pants that baby sis got for me on the cheap, because they're tight enough when i'm feeling skinny. as a result, i am wearing one of several planned dresses this week. high-waisted (you know, at the natural waist) dresses and skirts do make one look slim.

i'm debating a pregnancy test, soley to make myself feel better, because pregnancy would not be good news right now, and for motivation to stop munching all afternoon.

and so it begins. i will now walk the rox more and attend cardio classes in addition to the regular pilates classes, try to paint instead of eat aimlessly, and try to do my version of "vegan until dinner." simply, it is not a diet, but a rearranging of food groups on the plate. the theory is if you can eat vegan until dinner, you eat more nutrient-dense, more-filling, less-fat veggies and fruit instead of filling up on meat all day (because really, no one needs meat 3 times a day), and you eat whatever you want for dinner. the law student and i tried this once. i hated it because it's "vegan," which means no dairy. i have to have heavy cream in my coffee in the morning. non-dairy creamer is nasty and not a real food. so i incorporate a little dairy in my version so i can make it through the day. this does not affect ben, as he drinks his black.

so you see, i am taking a healthy approach by increasing my exercise and eating healthier food in smaller portions. i know i will never again see 105 lbs. on the scale, and my thighs will always touch (they're very close), but maybe after a few weeks they won't be a fire hazard any more.