lyrics

we sang the song below at church on palm sunday.
i probably hadn't been to church in 2 - 3 weeks, and had just broken lent the night before (one of two times). a woman from pakistan, a graduate student here, spoke about her family's persecution from their own government over their christianity, and another woman they knew who was in prison for allegedly speaking out against islam. this woman has contracted chicken pox, likely due from fasting during lent.
in prison.
that hit me like a ton of bricks, and still does. these people are suffering for the Lord - what have i done or had to endure for Him?

hope you enjoy the lyrics.

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
And make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon the cross
My sin upon His shoulder
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

*disclaimer - please know this post is not bashing islam or muslims. i am simply relaying a story from a woman i heard at church.

look out behind you

...it's christmas! does anyone else feel like the big day is creeping up on them? in 3 fridays it will be christmas eve. 3. i'm actually going to put up my tree early this year - by early, of course, i mean before december 20th. i'm also determined to find a christmas wreath to replace the autumn one and toss the autumn gourds.

and there's a little peek into the inner workings of my mind. autumn in december? sigh.

so, naturally, i'm starting to think about gifts. decisions, decisions! if i could, i'd buy everyone just what they wanted, with no thought to cost. but i can't afford to do that - shocker. but even if i could do that, should i? is that really what christmas is?

what is christmas to you?

honestly, i fantasize about a norman rockwell-esque christmas: warmth, decorations, joy, general community peace, meaningful gifts around a big tree, all with family, the perfect blend of old-world charm, modern moderate consumerism, appropriate christian reverence and the warm fuzzies like all get-out that don't fade after the presents are opened and dishes are washed. like nothing bad could ever happen.

but that is not life. that is not our story.

modern-day christmas is different. money money money, want want want. gifts mean you care. bigger gifts mean you care more. budgets are blown, lives are hustled and bustled, hurried and scurried and scattered. that apprehension i have about christmas coming too fast overtakes us all, so much that we worry about getting ready for christmas that it blows by us and we sit down after christmas day, wondering where all the season's joy went. my personal christmas involves strategic budgeting, decoration agonization and above all, travel. i call it the starkville shuffle, because we are never one place for long. go home, unpack, sing songs, get up, pack, drive 20 minutes, eat, unwrap, unpack, drive 20 minutes, eat more...you get the idea. not to complain - i don't mind driving one bit, and i'm willing to do it to see friends and family. i just wish work and distance and time weren't always plotting against me.

gifts are another sticky spot. common courtesy implies gifts = love, and bigger gifts = bigger love, and who's against showing more love? but it's a false standard. i'd love to get baby sister every (expensive) thing on her list, but i can't. and i don't feel that i should, either. while gifts are in no way bad in and of themselves, the Gift has already been given, and the mindless madness of christmas consumerism threatens to overtake it at every sale sign, and hardly any of us need anything. so i struggle to stay in God's story of hope and redemption and caring for the poor amid the chaos of lights and layaways and gross extravagance, while still wrapping presents that will bring joy to their recipients. because what is more important than re-aligning ourselves with the true story of the hope for all the world? God gives us good gifts, and expects us to do the same.

that's what i love best about christmas - bringing joy to the ones i love, being thankful that we are able to do that, and a collective festive spirit and season of reflection where we can all find some good in the world, even if only for a short season. so if you're looking for something more eternal than wrapping paper and shiny new things, consider giving a gift with a ripple effect. i like these sites:

amazima

147 million orphans

sari bari

angel ranch

compassion international

or you could check with your local outreach programs for more ways to serve.

law student is getting out the tree today. whooo! can't wait to sip hot chocolate with only the christmas lights on, and to watch a christmas story over and over.

day 1

ah, a recent picture (ha!), introduction, and 15 interesting facts.

disclaimer: i'm not that interesting, but i'm really cute.

see? it's true. (wink)

hi. i'm kissey. a Jesus-follower, wife, daughter, oldest sister, favorite cousin, best friend, dog owner, horse lover, painter, bookworm, adoption supporter, procrastinator, MSU fan, wannabe wine connoisseur and pathetic shopper.

15 facts - i'll refrain from claiming them to be interesting.

1. i'm obsessed with horses. always have been. if i could be a horse, i would.
2. i really do enjoy sports, even if i don't understand all the nuances. i'm a bulldog at heart, and a dolphins and dodgers fan by marriage, but they've managed to win my allegiance independent of the law student. as far as basketball, i'm just a fan in general. i like specific players and love an nba finals game 7.
3. i'm a really bad shopper. my mother and sisters make up for my lacking. it gives me a headache and decision anxiety, and pants. never. fit. plus, i have expensive taste (genetic), so it's generally better if i don't shop at all. the law student thanks me for this.
4. i've never broken a bone. true story.
5. i am slowly but surely becoming my mother. please see posts under that label.

6. my favorite dessert is ice cream. it shows.
7. i love to cook. this talent i did inherit. mom likes to make fun of me because, as she claims, i didn't know how to crack an egg when i left for college. but now i can make recipes sparkle and shine. thank you, law student, for discovering this talent and allowing it to blossom, and for alleviating mom's fear of a starving son-in-law.
8. i'm allergic to penicillin. funny story - had my wisdom teeth out and got the narcotic and penicillin for the recovery. for some reason my parents found it prudent not to suspend my driving privileges, which resulted in the purchase of a furry zebra print steering wheel cover. thanks, parents. but i digress. i was teaching vbs at church and had an allergic reaction to the penicillin (mom's allergic too), so the other teacher gave me benadryl. on top of my lortab. which culminated in me being drunk at church and driving home (again).
9. i love to make to-do lists and then cross off the items.
10. my sleepy-time habits must be observed: ceiling fan, cool temperature, white noise, my own pillow and baby blanket (some would call it a rag, i would call it awesome), closed door, dark, and otherwise quiet. no tv, no radio, no random party at the neighbors. sorry. wish i could fall asleep as soon as i lay down (becca), but i can't.

11. i play counselor to my friends. nobody's died or been incarcerated yet, so i think i've been pretty successful.
12. someone once told me i'm a type-a personality. i can't find anyone who refutes this allegation.
13. i'm really really bad at remembering to take pictures in general. the picture above is from my sister's camera this summer. i feel guilty, but not guilty enough to do anything about it. like get my camera fixed.
14. i can't stand to have my fingernails painted. it makes my fingers feel heavy.
15. i have the most expensive mouth i know of. expander, brackets with the expander, set of braces, 6 pairs of retainers, bleaching, 2 root canals, 2 sets of crowns, wisdom teeth removal, gingivectomy, tmj appliance...thanks, dental insurance.



so there you go. day 2 cometh.

bride of christ

the glorious hem

such a sweet sweet message. i got chills and tears in my eyes. what a wonderful promise!

"... I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." -Revelation 21:2-5

me and my big mouth

my mouth keeps getting me into trouble. the scale has never consistently stayed above 115 for weeks (okay, months. shut up.) on end. i absolutely hate it. i have never really had to deal with weight issues--it's always been relatively easy for me to use mostly minimal or moderate effort to stay in shape. i've NEVER had to restrict my diet. or if i have, i don't remember and it must have been way easier, probably because i was too busy partying or working out to notice. i know my exercise quota is lower now, and my eating is up (part of being married is a hungry husband!), but man! i do pilates, walk the dog, have started to incorporate cardio--i'm hitting a wall here! and since all this extra is settling right onto my belly, it all comes back to my mouth. so, diet restrictions it is. and to keep me accountable, i'm going to blog what i eat. every day. i know you are about to pass out from all the excitement. here goes.

monday: coffee with cream and sugar (from now on, cwc&s), one slice roast pork with carrots and potatoes, spaghetti with meat sauce, 1 chik-fil-a chicken nugget dipped in polynesian sauce, and most of a chik-fil-a cookies and cream shake. it was not as good as regular cookies and cream ice cream. exercise: walked the rox 1.5 miles on the track.

tuesday: cwc&s, greek yogurt with strawberries, 1 pack peanut butter crackers, 1 slice american cheese and some raisins while waiting on dinner, spinach salad with carrots, tomatoes, croutons and ranch; rice; sauteed zucchini and some crazy mexican chicken dish i made: 1/2 chicken breast and a sauce made up of cream of mushroom soup, sour cream, roasted tomatoes and black beans. i tried to make fisherman's bake cod, but the fish was slimy after its defrost and stunk up the whole house, so we threw it out. i made this chicken dish up on the fly, and it turned out ok. i must remember it and improve upon it. exercise: walked roxy mostly 1.5 miles at the track, taught pilates for 1 hour, then 30 minutes on an elliptical.

not only does my mouth getting me in trouble by taking in too much, it also gets me in trouble by speaking too much. i am haunted by this passage in matthew 12.

A Tree Is Known by Its Fruit

33 “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. 34 You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. 35 The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. 36 I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, 37 for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

jesus is talking to the pharisees here, but i think it applies. i've heard the phrase, "you will be held accountable for everything you say, not necessarily in a court of law." and i believe it to be true. our words are a direct reflection of the condition and contents of our hearts. jesus speaks harshly of a sharp tongue, and also clearly spells out there is no room for neutrality or fence-flopping in Him. words have power. it's truly terrifying to me to think that every word i have uttered, every curse, every shred of gossip and untruth and meanness, with or without thinking, will be used to judge me in the end. and it should be enough to scare the impulse out of me. i have struggled with this recently and am now recommitting to speak truth and kindness, even when i deem it undeserved, because i am undeserving.

christmas post #1--my christmas favorites

in no particular order, the things i love about the christmas season:

• 24 hours of a christmas story on tbs. my favorite!
  
• mom's cinnamon rolls
  
• grandma ann's dream cookies (i have the recipe!)
• the annual christmas photo cards and making fun of that one braggy newsletter mom used to get from a college friend
• sending out christmas cards to friends
• getting to see my far-flung friends!
• christmas music--carol of the bells, oh holy night, baby it's cold outside, just to name a few.
• wrapping up gifts in brown paper and tying with yarn, just like the song says
• smell of christmas trees
• driving around looking at lights
• candles in windows
• watching old christmas movies from when i was a kid
  
• christmas day steaks
• waking up at 4 am because i still can't sleep through christmas eve
• downtown all lit up
• when we were little, watching the weatherman "track" santa's sleigh on tv
• finding that perfect present
• avoiding all malls by shopping online
  
• matching pajamas
• learning more about the advent season
  
• remembering christmas is not about gifts, or santa, or reindeer. it is a reminder about our Gift, Savior to the world, He who was sent to redeem. so often that story is lost in the story of santa and the worldy christmas of spending money on empty present promises. it is a reminder that there is a Hope and a Future, and for us to live accordingly.
  

secrets

i have secrets. i bet you do too.

i created this blog basically to provide an outlet for my thoughts when the law student tires of hearing them over and over. i let you in on my mishaps and things i (and sometimes only i) find funny, usually at my expense. things like:
-when i manage to back into someone in a parking lot. twice.
-or when i called that guy at wal-greens crazy loud enough for him to hear (according to the law student) because 1) he is a little crazy and 2) we were buying a pregnancy test and i was in no mood for him to know about it and offer his 2 cents. (it was negative and we celebrated with beers.)
-that my parents have a divorce story lifetime would die for.
-i lint-roll the rox instead of bathing her more often.
-or that once, coming back from ben in los angeles, i hitchhiked from the airport with a random family to my friend's parents' house and basically broke in to crash there, then called another friend to take me home to starkville, instead of calling second friend in the first place.
-that i secretly fear the rapture has happened and left me when i can't find anyone and no one will pick up the phone. this has happened since i was a kid and couldn't find mom at a given moment.

and those are all little funny, embarrassing things about me and my life that i choose to reveal and laugh at with you. but they are not my whole life. you can look at any blog and see pieces, images, projections of people's selves, but never the whole picture, because we are complicated and have been trying to hide unsightly parts of ourselves since adam and eve. and so i think about all the things that don't make it onto blogs, namely my own. like all those things i did in college i didn't get arrested for but could have am ashamed of. or the people i stalk on facebook, etc., for no good reason. or fights, disagreements, etc., that i have with the law student on bad days. things i have said about friends and strangers that i shouldn't, or my fears that surface when i dwell on my faults and my past, saying i am not really a good person and how i have failed as a follower of the King. those are my real secrets.

the bad news? they are not totally secret. Someone knows them all, and i cannot hide them.
the good news? Someone knows them all, and i am free. mercy, forgiveness and grace are available to me through my repentance.

adam and eve "hid" from God after their sin. but even though He called for them, He knew where they were, and He knew their sin. they felt shame and nakedness and the eternal breadth of their sin, but He provided a way. He shed the blood of an innocent animal and clothed them, and then He punished them, with banishment, pain in childbirth and other consequences. He could have scrapped the whole project (which, in fact, He did, with the flood), but He didn't. this is still true today. God still knows our sin, still knows what we keep locked in the dark, and still longs for us. He still provides a Way to remove our sin. there is nothing we can do to "earn" it, no secret that can keep us outside its redemption. and when we accept this extravagant gift, when we repent, and turn to God's love with obedience, we are free from our sin, and our secrets hold us no more.