feeling the burn

today is not my day. let me count the ways.

slept in too late to go running. i also didn't run yesterday. it's going to rain all day, which means no running today and no jackson trip with dad to see becca.

while making breakfast, i managed to burn black plastic into my palm. i left some tongs too close to a still-red stove eye and grabbed them without thinking.

then, i set the same tongs back onto the same eye and burned more black plastic onto the stove.

my coffee got cold during all of this. more proof that i should drink coffee before doing anything else, always. so i heated it up, apparently far too long, and coffee erupted all in my microwave.

i'm not sure i should get out of my pajamas, much less out of the house.

feelin' kinda funky

not in a good way, though. i'm stressed. there, i said it. so often i really try to be upbeat, optimistic, even if only to buck up my other half, who is also stressed. but i'm tired and kind of feel like just wallowing (anxiously, of course) in the stress.

stress affects everyone differently. the law student tends to neglect sleep and act like a zombie during the waking hours. incidentally, he's really been freaking me out lately with his excitement over the zombie apocalypse. there are reasons i don't watch scary movies - zombies are one of them.

as for me, i handle stress much differently. i want to do nothing but sleep all the time. i make half-hearted lists that are doomed to never be crossed off. i eat junk food and neglect exercise. therefore, i tend to feel crappy, fat, and groggy in addition to the stress, which only complicates things further.

it is a real effort for me to overcome stress, to do things that need to get done or make me feel better, because i just plain don't want to do anything. let's talk about yesterday, because it's a prime example of how stress makes me self-sabotage. i went home early yesterday from work. i felt stressed (you guessed right!) and really tired, plus i needed to look for jobs and wanted to take some time to do some stuff around the house. secretly i just wanted to read and nap, but i made a list: menu, grocery list, clean bathrooms, read Bible & pray, put up clothes, work out, walk roxy, call contact, job applications, vacuum, put up dishes, blog (look at me, crossing things off my list), fold clothes. know what i did? i walked roxy, made a grocery list and applied to three jobs. i had two hours off work and that's what i did, which means i have to do all the rest of that stuff today.

and the absolute worst consequence? i have not had any coffee today because we are out of coffee filters and i have not gone to get any. i feel like a zombie.

segue

so, see previous post below. i told you all that to tell you this on this less-than-bitter-cold and beautiful sunny friday morning.

i may not have a fancy phone, i may tear my dryer sheets in two, i may wear my "running shoes" into the ground and i may buy my coffee at the dollar general, but i. love. my. xm. radio. i'm pretty ADD/control freak about the radio while in the car, which is one of the many reasons why i drive everywhere. the law student indulges/wisely doesn't fight me on this.
little things make marriage work.

things i love about xm radio:

i can listen to elvis anytime i want. as a true southerner, i believe homage is due, and i can get my fix of the king 24/7. it's totally awesome. i now have an irresistible urge to visit graceland. soon.

i know the names and artists of more songs every day.

no more nickelback! i stay away from the top 20-type channels. the rock, grunge and alternatives stations show more sense and wisely ignore them.

i don't know which is more money: elvis, or no nickleback. toss-up.

the butter incident

so, i made butter this morning. on accident. say what?

we just got home from boston sunday afternoon (pictures forthcoming, as soon as certain someones email me pictures), and i thought i had enough cream in the fridge. in case you care/didn't know, i like my coffee strong, with a spoonful of sugar but not too sweet and a few tablespoons of cream, enough to make it a nice dark caramel color. i'm estimating, as i don't measure the cream (or anything really, for that matter) or use a tablespoon for it. maybe you've read my posts on the dairy here in small town, where i get my dairy products. i only use the real stuff. i take my coffee and my dairy seriously.

so, monday morning, coffee is brewed, and the cream i thought i had is nothing but the solid pieces stuck on the glass. i try to pour in milk, but it was puzzlingly partially frozen and the little bit i poured out turned my coffee a nasty gray color, not dark caramel. after adjusting the refrigerator setting, i abandoned my coffee and opted for tea instead. no small feat.

so, i got my cream yesterday and was very much looking forward to this morning's cup of joe. i pour the coffee and got the cream out of the fridge. it was frozen, too. seriously? so i run (cold) water over the glass to defrost it and when i see some liquid moving around, i shake the glass to break up the frozen cream and defrost it some more.

and that is where i make my non-fatal, delicious but not entirely convenient mistake. you know how back in the olden days you had to churn cream to make butter? yeah, well, not what i'm thinking at 7:30 on any given morning. i open the cream and see what i think is still frozen cream, so i get out a knife to punch through it. only it glides through it like, well, butter. i'm pretty sure some of it made its way into my coffee. and it was tasty.

who's afraid of the dark?

that would be yours truly. it all started early this morning, around 2 am.

the law student and i were fast asleep. ceiling fan was on, bathroom fan was running, and the humidifier was humming along. and then the power went out. i, per usual, woke up immediately due to the lack of noise. the law student was a bit harder to rouse, but somebody (not me) had to get up to turn off the beeping battery back-ups, and then get up again to turn off our alarm system because i was too scared (and warm) to get out of bed. he was unhappy about that. and then, back to sleep.

but i got hot. then i got cold. and then i got hot again. it was dark. all our food would spoil in the fridge. our alarm system was off. what if someone came in through our guest room window? we'd never hear it! i heard bumps in the night outside. i heard roxy rustling in her box. and it was sooooooo dark. i couldn't see my hand in front of my face. my mind was getting a bit too creative so i tried to go to sleep, thinking i'd wake up and it'd be morning and everything would be all right. but i had bad dreams--about the bumps in the night and the predators who undoubtedly had cut the power lines in our neighborhood so they could break into our house. i tossed and turned and dozed in and out of dreams for about an hour, then finally drifted off.

at 3:30 am, our bathroom fan roared back to life. i shot up out of bed, scared to death. the alarm started beeping again. i stumbled in the dark (and just about killed my phone/flashlight) to turn it off, then reset it to ward off intruders. the humidifier had to be reset, as did the clock and our alarms. but i forgot about the coffee machine until i was in the shower this morning. so i hop out, soaking wet, to warn the law student about this potential disaster.

i like when i make the coffee. the law student tends to make too much or make it too weak. he's a man. so i panicked, thinking he would pour in more water, throw out the good filter with the fresh coffee grounds and generally ruin the pot of coffee i had prepared the night before. like he's never made coffee before or something.

ahhh, mornings.

p.s. does anyone else remember that nickelodeon show, who's afraid of the dark?

weekend recap

krista, kissey and mandi

i am so glad to be home. but not because i didn't have fun.

i went to nashville this past weekend to visit one of my best and first friends from college, since she's now so much closer than new york. we had a blast! i don't really go out much at home unless there's something major going on (like the north mississippi allstars last week), or i drag the law student out of the house because, contrary to popular belief, there is only so much criminal minds one can watch.

friday night we went out to hear a band, then on to a local favorite. mandi decided on tequila shots at the end of the night, and we all thought it was a great idea. at first, it was--those things made us giggle. everything for the next 45 minutes was absolutely hilarious. but after that, things weren't so funny and nobody felt really awesome saturday morning until after heath made breakfast (pancakes from scratch!). we shopped a bit and then dropped by a bachelorette party, followed by sushi for dinner. then, krista and mandi decided to take me to a lesbian bar to see my reactions, since i'd never been to one before. we listened to lots of karaoke, and i think we got hit on by 2 swinger couples, but you can't go by me. we did not end the night with tequila shots, and everyone was ok with that. sunday brought us the sweetest stray pit bull mix that mandi named "lady." she had mange, but not too bad, and was skinny, but not too skinny. we called a pit rescue service, since the humane society would have put her down immediately. she was super sweet, only wanted to be petted, and obviously had been someone's pet and then recently abandoned. i hated to leave her!

and now, the bad part. i absolutely hate driving in the rain. i hydroplaned a few years ago, then had a few more bad experiences, and have been terrified ever since. it reduces me to tears, and last night was no exception. i drove head-on into a huge band of storms around jackson, tennessee (after fighting terrible and uncharacteristic traffic out of nashville). but i handled it well, for me. then there was memphis. by this time it was pouring rain so hard i couldn't see the road, it was dark, and i was scared stiff. i made it through memphis and breathed a sigh of relief, only to have it start pouring again in southaven all the way to holly springs. i was going 45 miles an hour, couldn't see the road to save my life, and cars are just flying past me. i have no idea how they made it. by the time i pulled off on my exit, i was starting to lose it. i pulled into a gas station and sat and squalled for 20 minutes by myself. i called ben and mom and cried to them too (scared them to death, i'm sure). i collected myself finally and waited out the storm per weather reports. but when i finally decided to drive the last 28 miles home, my car wouldn't start. battery=DEAD. apparently, i had left my car turned on while having my come-apart in the car. great. i started crying all over again. so i went into the gas station, with wet hair and puffy eyes, and the sweet man working had jumper cables and gave me coffee while he waited for someone he knew to come jump me off. someone finally walked in and agreed to jump off my car. so i walked out into the rain and popped the hood of my car (rather unsuccessfully). there was a truck next to me, and i thought this was the nice man who was going to get me home and end my awful night. but it wasn't. it was another guy (who finally got my hood up) and he ended up getting me going while the original guy looked on. my battery is super corroded, and the law student is actually getting me a new one right now. so, i made it home at 9 o'clock, physically and emotionally drained, but grateful.

p.s. while the 2 men were jumping off my car, popping my hood and examining my battery, etc., one of them made a comment about where i live. "oh, does your daddy or your boyfriend live there?" "yeah, my husband is in law school there." apparently i look barely old enough to drive.

thursday night

1. if any of you out there know what an EIN (or FEIN) is, please never never never have more than one business per EIN. it will save you much ill will from your accountant. i don't care what the tax advantages are.

2. food: cwc&s, leftover mac & cheese, an apple, a handful of raisins and a handful of cashews before dinner, roasted salmon with shallots and canned tomatoes over spinach, roasted fingerling potatoes with boursin cheese (omg i love that stuff), a glass of red wine, and one measely, delicious milk dud. after last night's twix encounter, i have emerged victorious tonight. exercise: pilates and 35 minutes of cardio.

3. white jeans and a dan marino jersey. i love 30 rock.

4. i'm sad j. d. salinger died. i have never read the catcher in the rye. i have read franny & zooey, raise high the roof beam, carpenters, and seymour: an introduction. i loved every word of them.

5. my google reader was completely flummoxed today. not one blog update appeared. at all. so tonight, i went around re-following folks. just now all has returned to normal. i still have not managed to un-follow myself.

off to make the bed and get in it.

wednesday wussy

it's back and in full force.

i have a caffeine-induced withdrawal headache. i only drink one cup of (super strong) coffee per morning, and the occasional coke during the week. so, we're not talking a lot of caffeine intake here. as with everything, this has a story. throughout high school, college and even a little bit after my marriage, i didn't drink coffee. or much, anyway. i did not need it to function, didn't even know how to make it (yes, i was easily outwitted by small kitchen appliances). and it usually made me shaky or run for the toilet (it has since lost that effect, much to my dismay, but that's another story). i did not start drinking coffee regularly until 1) we got a coffee maker for a wedding present (bless you, whoever you are) and 2) we moved to oxford and the law student (coffee freak) made it every morning. thus, the beginning of my friendship with/dependence on coffee. so sunday night, i ordered from alice.com and ordered coffee. went to the kroger last night and although that morning had thought to myself that we needed more coffee even with the alice.com order, i did not get any. and that really sucked this morning.

know what else sucks? getting pushed to the edge of your bed by your dog. the law student last night decided that roxy was cold, so i brought her kennel into our bedroom and we all went to sleep. normally, we close the kennel, but i didn't last night. so at 3 am, roxy wakes me up with whining. granted, she's still in her rox box instead of already on the bed, so she is still a "good dog." i put her in the bed. i jockey for position in my own bed for a good 45 minutes and then around 4 am, she snuggles in between us and pushes me away. so back in the rox box she goes, and i wake up again at 5:40 am. that dog wasn't cold one bit.

let's not even talk about the scale or the waistbands of most of my pants. or that chik-fil-A sandwich i just ate. but that coke sure hit the spot. caffeine crisis averted.

rain, rain, go away. i need coffee.

today was a coffee-free morning. FAIL.
i asked the law student to make the coffee last night, but he refused. so i didn't either. i mean, how long does it take to prepare the coffee maker and turn it on? yeah, thought so. my coffee maker has a programmed feature: i can set it to brew anytime (usually 6:45 am). why, oh why, do i not take complete advantage of this? i assure you, fumbling for the coffee scoop and pouring the water into the brewer is neither fun nor attractive to watch in the early morning hours.

so, this morning, late as usual. wet hair (i refuse to blow dry when it rains). i didn't even take the rox for a potty. i just threw her in bed with the law student. and i didn't make the coffee. le sigh.

yes, there is coffee here at the office. but it's mostly just jet fuel and crude oil--very little coffee, and there is no cream, only non-dairy powder (read: fake) creamer, hazlenut flavor, which i detest. plus, i prefer to make mine at home, in my little curvy coffee mug with 1.5 spoonfuls of sugar (the real stuff, people. that splenda/aspartame/etc. can kill ya, or at least make you fat.) and a generous helping of heavy cream from the brown family dairy. i drink it on the way to work, and sometimes bring the rest of the cup in with me if i haven't finished it. i think the worst feeling in the morning is reaching for that last sip of coffee and realizing, cup in mid-air and throat dry, that you drank the last sip last time.

random: i have journey's "don't stop believing" in my head. now you do too. must be the lack of coffee. i never sing power ballads in the morning when i've had coffee.

plea: please check out the link at the top of my blog for amazima.org. it just pulls my heart to pieces and really challenges me. pray for this sweet family knit together by our God.

have a fabulous weekend! i'm sure ours will be wet, cause apparently we're now in monsoon season and slated for another 10 days of rain.