lyrics

we sang the song below at church on palm sunday.
i probably hadn't been to church in 2 - 3 weeks, and had just broken lent the night before (one of two times). a woman from pakistan, a graduate student here, spoke about her family's persecution from their own government over their christianity, and another woman they knew who was in prison for allegedly speaking out against islam. this woman has contracted chicken pox, likely due from fasting during lent.
in prison.
that hit me like a ton of bricks, and still does. these people are suffering for the Lord - what have i done or had to endure for Him?

hope you enjoy the lyrics.

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
And make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon the cross
My sin upon His shoulder
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

*disclaimer - please know this post is not bashing islam or muslims. i am simply relaying a story from a woman i heard at church.

day 12

#12 - what i believe

i always say people behave the way they really believe.
but it's not always true.

John 11:27
She said to him, “Yes, Lord. I have come to believe that you are the Christ, God’s Son,
he who comes into the world.”

i believe God is Who He says He is.
i believe His promises and the redeeming power of His blood.
i believe the world rejects Him.
i believe my sin nailed Him to the cross.
i believe He rose and conquered the grave.
i believe He is sovereign over all.
i believe He rejoices and mourns with us.
i believe He is here with us, and He is good.
i believe Jesus saves.

it is hard to be in the world, and not of it. it is hard for me to follow God sometimes and show Him to others, like when i am tired or angry or stressed or even just lazy and selfish. i have so much sin in my heart.
it's hard to trust God when life comes crashing down around us, when i see so much pain and suffering in the world, or when i don't understand.

but He still loves me so, even with all my failure and all my doubt.
so i will choose each day to believe in the One who knows my sin and remembers it no more.

in the spirit of halloween

a post about chocolate.

apparently, most chocolate is made with child slave labor. did not know this.

read this blog post yesterday. "we can lick the chocolate off, but the blood is still there."

yuck.

tonight, the international justice mission is showing the documentary "the dark side of chocolate" on the UM campus. link here for info. i encourage you to see it if you live in this area.

coincidence? probably not. i love it when God just kind of sets things down in my lap like that. so, now i'm totally convicted about my chocolate purchasing habits. i found this list of fair trade chocolate, but it's over a year old, so you may want to research more.

4 links in one post. i'm helpful like that.

so, now you know. read, be educated, pray, and then DO.

epic PASS

as most of you already know,

he PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!

SQUEAL!

my retirement party will commence within the year. ha. kidding, student loan holder, kidding.

so, as is required, he has a new name here on ze blog: the esquire. and since so many of you whom i texted "he's an esquire!" responded with "yay! what's that mean?," i have looked it up for you. my favorite part of this definition comes from wikipedia: a term of British origin (ultimately from Latin scutarius in the sense of shield bearer via Old French "esquier"). An unofficial title of respect, having no precise significance, it is used to denote a high but indeterminate social status.

hahaha.

but really. basically, it was used way back when to denote a particular status (or non-status, as the case seems to be) in the english hierarchical system, and has since been adopted by the legal community here in the states.

back to the man of the hour. i couldn't be more proud. law school is no cake walk. i know--i edited many a paper, endured many a lonely night while the law student was at the library, and listened to countless recitations of cases and laws on the nights before exams. talk about your pillow talk. but all the way through, i never doubted he could do it. he moved to LA after only one semester of college to be an actor, and had a good degree of success and supported himself. after 5 years of acting, the man moved back home and finished his undergrad in two years. he studied for the LSAT by himself with enormous discipline and drive. he tutored undergrad students all through law school. he wrote papers, studied relentlessly, passed his exams and even graduated with honors. no small feat. he may have complained, he may have worried, he may have doubted, but he never quit. and now, with the bar exam successfully behind him, we're both ready for the next chapter. and even though the "right now" seems so uncertain, we know the Lord goes before us and makes a way, and His provision these past three years were not in vain.

**i would also like to add that the esquire is now following my blog. finally.

secrets

i have secrets. i bet you do too.

i created this blog basically to provide an outlet for my thoughts when the law student tires of hearing them over and over. i let you in on my mishaps and things i (and sometimes only i) find funny, usually at my expense. things like:
-when i manage to back into someone in a parking lot. twice.
-or when i called that guy at wal-greens crazy loud enough for him to hear (according to the law student) because 1) he is a little crazy and 2) we were buying a pregnancy test and i was in no mood for him to know about it and offer his 2 cents. (it was negative and we celebrated with beers.)
-that my parents have a divorce story lifetime would die for.
-i lint-roll the rox instead of bathing her more often.
-or that once, coming back from ben in los angeles, i hitchhiked from the airport with a random family to my friend's parents' house and basically broke in to crash there, then called another friend to take me home to starkville, instead of calling second friend in the first place.
-that i secretly fear the rapture has happened and left me when i can't find anyone and no one will pick up the phone. this has happened since i was a kid and couldn't find mom at a given moment.

and those are all little funny, embarrassing things about me and my life that i choose to reveal and laugh at with you. but they are not my whole life. you can look at any blog and see pieces, images, projections of people's selves, but never the whole picture, because we are complicated and have been trying to hide unsightly parts of ourselves since adam and eve. and so i think about all the things that don't make it onto blogs, namely my own. like all those things i did in college i didn't get arrested for but could have am ashamed of. or the people i stalk on facebook, etc., for no good reason. or fights, disagreements, etc., that i have with the law student on bad days. things i have said about friends and strangers that i shouldn't, or my fears that surface when i dwell on my faults and my past, saying i am not really a good person and how i have failed as a follower of the King. those are my real secrets.

the bad news? they are not totally secret. Someone knows them all, and i cannot hide them.
the good news? Someone knows them all, and i am free. mercy, forgiveness and grace are available to me through my repentance.

adam and eve "hid" from God after their sin. but even though He called for them, He knew where they were, and He knew their sin. they felt shame and nakedness and the eternal breadth of their sin, but He provided a way. He shed the blood of an innocent animal and clothed them, and then He punished them, with banishment, pain in childbirth and other consequences. He could have scrapped the whole project (which, in fact, He did, with the flood), but He didn't. this is still true today. God still knows our sin, still knows what we keep locked in the dark, and still longs for us. He still provides a Way to remove our sin. there is nothing we can do to "earn" it, no secret that can keep us outside its redemption. and when we accept this extravagant gift, when we repent, and turn to God's love with obedience, we are free from our sin, and our secrets hold us no more.