first and foremost, the bulldog nation mourns the passing of one of our own, nick bell. this kid went from playing football on september 24, 2010, to gone on november 2, 2010. he was bright, humble, and just beginning to shine, but cancer doesn't fight fair. #36 will always be remembered.
http://blogs.clarionledger.com/msu/2010/11/02/bell-after-short-battle-with-cancer/
video of memorial in the junction
secondly, my friend's uncle is also losing his battle with cancer. cancer. sucks. see above. their families are really really close, and cancer has struck them so many times over and over - her father, her uncle, her aunt, her cousin's wife, the wife's sister - it's almost creepy. and so now, they prepare for the inevitable. and it is hard and it is painful. why God chooses to heal one and not another is a mystery. i hurt for my friend and her family.
katie from uganda (amazima) lost one of her daughters. i can't imagine the sense of loss, of injustice, the physical pain of her heart.
it's so hard to understand God sometimes, to fathom why He allows such pain and sorrow for any of us, why He heals one and not another, why He sometimes seems so far away and unmoved. and it is hard to cling to the fact that God is good, all of the time, and can't be anything else. it's just hard. and it hurts. but it's also hard for me to understand His love for me, His unfathomable and unending love, that drenches us in mercy, grace, compassion and kindess, even in the midst of our pain and our doubt. He is here. He is with katie and her daughter. He is with my friend's uncle. He is with the bell family. and His heart hurts with theirs. so i will trust my God, who goes with us when He takes us to hard places.
speaking of hard places, i read this verse today: james 2:20 - 24
"you foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? was not our ancestor abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son issac on the altar? you see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. and the scripture was fulfilled that says, “abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend. you see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone."
that is hard. and yet God was there with him. and He provided a ram, not only to abraham, but to us as well, hanging on a cross. i'm so scared of only giving lip service to God, when the bible commands us to follow Him, to go where He goes, taking His good news to the sick, the poor, the hungry, the orphans - to do, not just hear, to have my faith live out in my actions. that is uncomfortable for me. it is so much easier to just go to church, read our bible study together, sing along to christian radio, and tell people i am a christian and all the good things about God and Jesus and stay in my little bubble. but i believe God, and i believe He is good, and His heart is for everyone, not just me. i want faith like abraham. and while i don't think God is trying to create a new hebrew nation out of me, i still want to say "yes" with no hesitation or doubt, or even anger, when He tells me to go to the hard places with Him.
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