secrets

i have secrets. i bet you do too.

i created this blog basically to provide an outlet for my thoughts when the law student tires of hearing them over and over. i let you in on my mishaps and things i (and sometimes only i) find funny, usually at my expense. things like:
-when i manage to back into someone in a parking lot. twice.
-or when i called that guy at wal-greens crazy loud enough for him to hear (according to the law student) because 1) he is a little crazy and 2) we were buying a pregnancy test and i was in no mood for him to know about it and offer his 2 cents. (it was negative and we celebrated with beers.)
-that my parents have a divorce story lifetime would die for.
-i lint-roll the rox instead of bathing her more often.
-or that once, coming back from ben in los angeles, i hitchhiked from the airport with a random family to my friend's parents' house and basically broke in to crash there, then called another friend to take me home to starkville, instead of calling second friend in the first place.
-that i secretly fear the rapture has happened and left me when i can't find anyone and no one will pick up the phone. this has happened since i was a kid and couldn't find mom at a given moment.

and those are all little funny, embarrassing things about me and my life that i choose to reveal and laugh at with you. but they are not my whole life. you can look at any blog and see pieces, images, projections of people's selves, but never the whole picture, because we are complicated and have been trying to hide unsightly parts of ourselves since adam and eve. and so i think about all the things that don't make it onto blogs, namely my own. like all those things i did in college i didn't get arrested for but could have am ashamed of. or the people i stalk on facebook, etc., for no good reason. or fights, disagreements, etc., that i have with the law student on bad days. things i have said about friends and strangers that i shouldn't, or my fears that surface when i dwell on my faults and my past, saying i am not really a good person and how i have failed as a follower of the King. those are my real secrets.

the bad news? they are not totally secret. Someone knows them all, and i cannot hide them.
the good news? Someone knows them all, and i am free. mercy, forgiveness and grace are available to me through my repentance.

adam and eve "hid" from God after their sin. but even though He called for them, He knew where they were, and He knew their sin. they felt shame and nakedness and the eternal breadth of their sin, but He provided a way. He shed the blood of an innocent animal and clothed them, and then He punished them, with banishment, pain in childbirth and other consequences. He could have scrapped the whole project (which, in fact, He did, with the flood), but He didn't. this is still true today. God still knows our sin, still knows what we keep locked in the dark, and still longs for us. He still provides a Way to remove our sin. there is nothing we can do to "earn" it, no secret that can keep us outside its redemption. and when we accept this extravagant gift, when we repent, and turn to God's love with obedience, we are free from our sin, and our secrets hold us no more.

monday magic and weekend recap

somehow, it is not raining right now. praise the LORD. poor farmers--some are about to lose their crops. it is so gross outside. to describe using a 9th-grade english vocabulary word, the general atmosphere is saturnine: heavy, gray, gloomy, dull. thank you, george hazard.

weekend in review

i didn't do a damn thing all weekend. well, that is actually a lie. i did some things. friday night, the law student and i had over-priced and under-qualified mexican food and margaritas with a friend.

saturday, i got up at 7 am and miraculously it wasn't raining (and didn't rain all day). i bought meat at the market, walked and bathed the rox (finally! our poor pup has really missed her exercise. i have the scratches to prove it.), managed to shower (but only once) and start, and almost finish, the laundry. i napped for 3 hours before heading to the grove to see some more friends. and joy of joys, i got my black yoga pants and nude bra from my mama! and horror of horrors, i became that person i make fun of and talk bad about at work. we are delinquent tax payers. we have managed to not pay our MS state income tax. how, you ask? good question! when i received our 2008 tax return from my CPA boss, neither of us looked at it and assumed that, like last year, we were getting refunds. turns out we only got a refund. whoops. so when i opened our nice little notice from the state tax commission, i was sure they were wrong (and they often are), but in our tax return folder, plain as day, there was our tax payment coupon. only now, we owe $4 in interest. damn. after this and our air compressor expenses, i am not to ask to do or buy anything fun. again i say, damn.

sunday was full of thunderous downpours and dramatic displays of all that is wet, so the law student and i stayed in bed when we should have been in church. the laundry got folded, golden girls dvds got watched, mr. david (father-in-law) got wished happy birthday, and the law student got talked into (begged and threatened, really) going to town not once, but twice to get necessities like baking soda, worcestershire and birth control. but the homemade spagehtti and meatballs made up for it, i'm sure. shower did not make it into the mix. but the laundry is mostly put up.

i also cried. this is a bit more personal that what i usually post. if you know me, you know my parents are bitterly divorced and everyone still dealing with the four-years-and-still-going fallout. and it's really tiring, trying, anxiety-inducing, anger-creating, and all the rest. it is so hard to see His hand at work. i know this is not true. i know God loves my family relentlessly, and that He does not forsake us. but after 4 years and what looks like will be 5 christmases, it is becoming very hard. so prayer over my parents would be greatly appreciated.

this week will be busy like all the others: small group, pilates, painting, chores, dinner creations, roxy snuggling and traveling to starkville for bulldog bash 2009 (third eye blind, i love you) tailgating and birthday celebrations for both of my in-laws. i hope you all had a great weekend and that today is bright, or at least not rainy. if you've got a boat, come visit. you'll need it.

rain, rain, go away. i need coffee.

today was a coffee-free morning. FAIL.
i asked the law student to make the coffee last night, but he refused. so i didn't either. i mean, how long does it take to prepare the coffee maker and turn it on? yeah, thought so. my coffee maker has a programmed feature: i can set it to brew anytime (usually 6:45 am). why, oh why, do i not take complete advantage of this? i assure you, fumbling for the coffee scoop and pouring the water into the brewer is neither fun nor attractive to watch in the early morning hours.

so, this morning, late as usual. wet hair (i refuse to blow dry when it rains). i didn't even take the rox for a potty. i just threw her in bed with the law student. and i didn't make the coffee. le sigh.

yes, there is coffee here at the office. but it's mostly just jet fuel and crude oil--very little coffee, and there is no cream, only non-dairy powder (read: fake) creamer, hazlenut flavor, which i detest. plus, i prefer to make mine at home, in my little curvy coffee mug with 1.5 spoonfuls of sugar (the real stuff, people. that splenda/aspartame/etc. can kill ya, or at least make you fat.) and a generous helping of heavy cream from the brown family dairy. i drink it on the way to work, and sometimes bring the rest of the cup in with me if i haven't finished it. i think the worst feeling in the morning is reaching for that last sip of coffee and realizing, cup in mid-air and throat dry, that you drank the last sip last time.

random: i have journey's "don't stop believing" in my head. now you do too. must be the lack of coffee. i never sing power ballads in the morning when i've had coffee.

plea: please check out the link at the top of my blog for amazima.org. it just pulls my heart to pieces and really challenges me. pray for this sweet family knit together by our God.

have a fabulous weekend! i'm sure ours will be wet, cause apparently we're now in monsoon season and slated for another 10 days of rain.

not me

it's not me monday, according to mckmama (see the link on my blog list). so, let's see what i didn't do these past few days, hmmm?

well, i know for sure i wasn't a douchebag at the VMA's and didn't upstage some sweet little rookie VMA winner. kanye is so immature he needs a pacifier, if only to keep his mouth shut. and thank you, beyonce, for being so classy and gracious.

i did not eat 2 huge plates, one right after the other, of laura's chicken spaghetti when i got to tampa thursday night at 11 pm. i would never gorge myself after-hours like that.

i also did most certainly not eat junk for dinner sunday night instead of cooking something or actually going to the grocery store. i would never sit on the couch watching tv and finishing off two bags of lays (regular and baked, respectively), complemented by fritos with french onion dip and topped off with a bowl of cheerios. i always eat healthy with plenty of greens and wouldn't be that lazy.

there is no laundry on my floor. i always put away my clean laundry in a timely fashion, and always unpack as soon as i return home.

that scale did not say 121.2 pounds today. i swear on all that is hol(e)y. like cheerios.

i did not forget i have to cook dinner tonight for small group. something like that would never slip up on me. i have the memory of an elephant and am always very organized and on top of it all.

why, oh why, do all (well, most) of my "not me" entries pertain to food? well, after that scale and last night's dinner, we're all having salads. with no croutons or dressing. deal with it, small group.

wussy wednesday wussy

first, my apologies for being a wednesday wussy wussy. i let you down 2 whole weeks in a row! le sigh.

my current wussy wednesday diwemma? i've wost my bra. my favorite bra.

it's not as bad as it sounds. i did not lose said underpinning in a wild display of alcohol over-indulgence or frenzied passionate clothes-shedding (but that would make for great stories). i discovered this morning my nude-colored, slightly push-up, everyday bra was nowhere to be found. this is very upsetting in hazy early-morning hours. so now i have to call parentals on both sides to see if they have found my underthing hanging around.

the law student and i had so much fun in starkvegas this past weekend! mostly, it involved a lot of packing, unpacking and re-packing, but fun nonetheless. we even got a cute picture of the both of us--no small feat. i promise to edit this post later and add the photos. we got soaked--well, the law student got soaked. this smarty-pants had enough common sense to not go sit in the rain to watch the game and waited until the rain had come to an acceptable cease-fire (for the most part). we tailgated with lindsey and the mayor and ate too much food.
too much food as in too many oatmeal cookies, ham and cheese sandwiches, and fritos with french onion dip. hello! mcfly! this fly honey has to be in a swimsuit SATURDAY. the prospect is disheartening.

so, in honor of my pudge, i will give you 2 pudge-friendly recipes. these recipes just LOVE your pudge.
poppyseed sandwiches

you'll need: butter, mayo, poppyseeds, sister schubert (or kroger brand!) yeast rolls in the tin, ham, provolone and sugar. you'll use: a bread knife, the oven, the metal tin, and a little basting brush if you have one, or a spoon.

take your frozen uncooked rolls out of the tin. mom swears there are some at kroger in a small rectangular tin (about 8-10 rolls), but i've never seen them. you can try to cut across the entire rolls so you have top and bottom halves, or you can cut up the individual rolls and then rearrange them back in the pan after. this way is easier to start, but a little annoying to remember how they go back in the tin. place the bottom halves back in the tin.

preheat your oven to around 350, or according to the directions for the rolls. melt about half a stick of butter in the microwave in a medium bowl. once completely melted (don't burn), add about half a cup or more of mayo, some sugar to taste (you want it kind of sweet) and lots of poppyseeds, and stir into a not-too-thick, not-too-runny, about-the-consistency-of-mayo sauce. the sauce should be savory (butter) and sweet (sugar), so adjust accordingly to taste. brush or spoon the sauce on the bottom half of the rolls, pretty thickly. add the ham and provolone and put the roll tops on top. heat the sandwiches in the oven for 20 minutes or so, according to package directions. a tailgate hit!!!

oatmeal cookies

cream well in a mixer: 3/4 cup shortening (crisco), 1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar, 1/2 cup granulated sugar, 1 egg, 1 tsp. vanilla extract, 1/4 cup water

mix well in a large bowl: 3 cups oats (regular, not instant), 1 cup flour (all-purpose, i guess--i just use what's in my little canister, and i promise you i bought the stuff years ago), 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 tsp. baking soda.

add oat mix to cream mix. spoon onto cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 12 minutes. they're best when still warm and gooey.

tampa in T-33 hours.

thief

saw this on another blog and LOVED it. thought i'd post it here. thanks allison.


"Incline thine heart unto Me, and let thine ear be attuned to My voice. For lo, I would speak to thee, and I have an urgent message to give thee.

Go not about to establish thine own designs. Lo, I have already set in motion My divine will and purpose and I would not have thee interfere. I am jealous about My children: Lo, they are Mine, saith the Lord; and ye shall not intrude in any way such as would hinder My plans from working out. Yea, ye may do many things, but only that which I direct thee to do can have My blessing upon it.

Resign all into My hands -- thy loved ones as well as thine own self. Be obedient to the still small voice. Thine own imaginings may speak more loudly, but wait upon Me always. Ye shall see the wisdom and the glory in this in due time. Fret not about carnal things, but concern thyself first and always about spiritual values. Truly, My promise is still: 'Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all the other needful things shall be added unto thee.'"

september 1st

i have not abandoned my blog (again). just been busy. i've been painting a lot, and a few old friends and i threw a wedding shower for our friend holly. i'll have pictures hopefully soon. maybe i should actually upload my memory card. it'll be interesting to see what's on there.

so, until i can actually formulate a post, please visit this site about this girl and her kids. her name is katie davis. she is 20 years old and mom to about 18 ugandan kids. her story is inspiring and humbling. it has really spoken to me and i have committed myself to helping her. i am not sure how just yet, though. this is someone who is truly the hands and feet of Jesus and it has challenged me more than anything else ever has. i hope it touches your heart too.