rocky the flying squirrel

if you've been to visit us, you know we live in a little tree house in the woods in the middle of town. we're surrounded by woodland creatures: deer, 2 barking foxes, sink-lovin' lizards, owls, creepy crawlies, and a whole mess of kung-fu fighting squirrels that passionately battle out turf wars in our walls at least 4 times a day. our woods are also home to at least one flying squirrel. let me tell you how we met.

last friday morning i woke up at 5 am to some strange shuffling sounds. i heard papers ruffling and metal dinging and some scraping noises. i knew we had our first intruder and woke up the lawyer so we could have the classic "i-heard-a-strange-noise-downstairs" moment. so, down the stairs he went to investigate. he came back to bed empty-handed, said it must have been the dog, and promptly thanked me for making him feel like a man. i tried to back to sleep until 6, convincing myself roxy was just continually readjusting her position on the futon. loudly.

it is pertinent to note roxy was silent throughout this entire episode.

at 6 am, the alarm went off. i got up to silence it and heard a crash. silence from roxy's corner. our intruder was still at large and now breaking stuff. i ran downstairs, turning on all the lights and trying to find out what had fallen. as i entered the kitchen, i saw my kitchen spoon holder and a glass jar knocked over. and on the stove, peeking over the rim of a roasting dish, was a teeny tiny squirrel.

he was so cute, all balled up and looking at me from across the kitchen, as if to say, "oh, did i wake you? my bad, kids." i took a picture first, like anyone should, then thought about how to convince the little fella back out into the wild blue (ok, dark) yonder. someone had left peanut butter on the counter, so that seemed like my best bet. squirrels like peanut butter, right?

wrong. rocky was not having it. perched on the window ledge, i was all in his face with a spoon of peanut butter, and he was all, "why you think i want some peanut butter? who told you squirrels like peanut butter? get that spoon out of my face" and scurrying around behind the electronics, threatening to fry himself and start a house fire at the same time. let me lay this out for you - the lawyer and i were in our jammers, in the kitchen with all the lights on, me with a spoonful of peanut butter and him with a box, trying to communicate "get out of our house please" to a wide-eyed flying squirrel and our dog, our domesticated animal of prey and noted hunter of rodents, continued to lay on the futon totally unaffected. until she smelled the peanut butter and came out to beg. that's when rocky took a flying leap from the top of the door frame to the open pantry and threatened to overturn everything in it. after some instinctual quick moves on the lawyer's part, an open back door and lots of arm flailing and "no, rocky, not that way!" from me, rocky finally got the hint and took off. roxy's quizzical looks into the pantry were not a contributing factor.

i still have no idea how he got inside. i still am absolutely baffled by roxy's non-behavior. now all the creatures will have no fear of us. our house will be overrun by april. we might as well leave all our doors open. at least the peanut butter will be safe.