here we go, again

let me start with a disclaimer.

this post is in no way to be interpreted as saying i am fat or unattractive. i am not one of those outrageously skinny girls who picks at her food, eats sunshine instead of food and constantly comments/obsesses over her weight. i realize in several years i will remember my figure with fondness and jealousy. i do not diet or view food as the enemy. i'm just short.


i am now going to live at the gym and eat vegetables. since tailgating football season began, i have put on about 3 pounds. well, maybe just 1 from tailgating, and 2 from elsewheres unknown. i hear you all groaning in disgust, but let's remember: i am 5 feet, 1 inch tall (thank you, terri), and 120 lbs. does not look good on me. it's got nowhere to hide! if i were 5 feet, 6 inches tall, we wouldn't be having this conversation. but on me, it just all kind of hangs out (literally) around my hips. which, might i add, is a new hangout and apparently a sign of aging. i guess the old ones (thighs) are no longer cool. i'm also very muscular, much like an out-of-shape gymnast, and i put on fat and muscle fairly quickly. and since pilates doesn't do that much for cardio, and neither does sitting under a tent at a football game eating yummy tailgate food and drinking beer, all those yummy little calories end up partying on my tummy.

you think i jest. you think wrong. jeans are tight on the hips. i was wearing my corduroy pants the other day (the cute ones from abercrombie kids before they changed the leg cut and that only cost $30) and when i got home, i just left them unbuttoned because they were tight. the law student actually noticed that they were unfastened. i find myself wanting to wear tshirts because they are loose where most of my clothes are fitted because i'm small and don't want my shape to get lost in big clothes. and i'm terrified to try to put on my french connection size 2 cute black pants that baby sis got for me on the cheap, because they're tight enough when i'm feeling skinny. as a result, i am wearing one of several planned dresses this week. high-waisted (you know, at the natural waist) dresses and skirts do make one look slim.

i'm debating a pregnancy test, soley to make myself feel better, because pregnancy would not be good news right now, and for motivation to stop munching all afternoon.

and so it begins. i will now walk the rox more and attend cardio classes in addition to the regular pilates classes, try to paint instead of eat aimlessly, and try to do my version of "vegan until dinner." simply, it is not a diet, but a rearranging of food groups on the plate. the theory is if you can eat vegan until dinner, you eat more nutrient-dense, more-filling, less-fat veggies and fruit instead of filling up on meat all day (because really, no one needs meat 3 times a day), and you eat whatever you want for dinner. the law student and i tried this once. i hated it because it's "vegan," which means no dairy. i have to have heavy cream in my coffee in the morning. non-dairy creamer is nasty and not a real food. so i incorporate a little dairy in my version so i can make it through the day. this does not affect ben, as he drinks his black.

so you see, i am taking a healthy approach by increasing my exercise and eating healthier food in smaller portions. i know i will never again see 105 lbs. on the scale, and my thighs will always touch (they're very close), but maybe after a few weeks they won't be a fire hazard any more.