Wednesday, November 23, 2011

This is why you need a list.

A list of things forgotten on our annual turkey day trip to hot springs.

-the lawyer's playbook (retrieved after we turned around for it)
-becca's purse, which includes most notably her id, cash money and lip gloss, and which we did not retrieve on our first false start
-tents left in storage instead of at our house for our friend to set up our tailgate
-the lawyer's left sneaker
-the lawyer's jacket
-the lawyer's humor

If you will note, I did not forget anything. And speaking of losing your humor...

The lawyer is generally even-keeled and a good sport about most things. So when he's in a bad mood, I usually a) get tickled, b) try not to "poke the bear," or c) both a) and b). Last night, the bear was in a bad mood. As we passed through the last town before the MS delta, he indicated he was hungry. After turning up his nose at the generous offerings of fast food, he settled on Taco Bell. Becca discovered her missing purse after we had our hearts set on some cheesy fiesta potatoes. We walked in to inform the lawyer. However, I couldn't even stay to enjoy his reaction because of another patron, who had made the unfortunate decision to accent his dylan-from-90210 brown haircut with orange racing-stripe highlights. I could not handle it - I had to leave before I laughed in his face. We finished our wait in the car. And then, the lawyer came back to the car with this gem of a story.

Ben: I'd like a steak burrito.

Taco Bell employee of the month: We don't have steak burritoes.

Ben: (looking up at the menu) Well, what do you have?

TBEOM: Steak Supreme Burrito.

Ben: Well, what makes it "supreme?"

TBEOM: Sour cream.

Ben: Then I'd like a steak supreme burrito without sour cream.

At this time, I'd like to issue a warning to all minimum-wage and middle-management personnel between here and there: Please don't poke the bear.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

trick or teat

i dressed up as hello kitty for halloween. i was the cutest ever. an $8 headband and some face paint - yellow nose, black whiskers - also makes it one of the cheapest ever.

the office crew

after work, i went by my in-laws just to chat and show off my ridiculously cute alter-ego. i came home 2 hours later with a homemade chicken pot pie. i kind of love being back in hometown.

the lawyer and i recently purchased a small drop-leaf table and chairs. for the first time in over 4 years of marriage, we have a place besides the couch to eat dinner. so, naturally, i force us to eat dinner there as much as i can. unless we're having cheese puffs and/or ice cream for dinner, because then we have dinner on the couch.

i heated up the pot pie and set it in the middle of our table. i set out plates and silverware and poured 2 glasses of wine. since dinner was so fabulous, we didn't talk much during it. but towards the end of the meal, i noticed something.


sidebar - i am anal-retentive, bossy and stubborn.

the lawyer was holding his fork completely wrong. remember how beast held his fork in disney's beauty and the best and tried to slobber down the soup (or whatever) as it fell from his awkwardly-held utensil?



well, the lawyer wasn't that bad, but he was holding his silverware in the same awkward, scowl-inducing manner.

the lawyer: (oblivious)
kissey: what are you doing?
the lawyer: (still oblivious) what?
kissey: you're holding your fork wrong.
the lawyer: what? (eyes slant)
kissey: (scowling) you're holding your fork wrong. hold it like this. (demonstrates)
the lawyer: it's good. i'm hungry. leave me alone. plus, it's really hard to take you seriously with all that cat makeup on your face.

touche.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

dinner plates

this is a 2-part post.

part 1: my dinner menu for the week. if you know me, or have worked with me, or have read any number of blog posts i've written, you know i like lists. my new coworkers love to inspect what i've jotted down or make fun of my non-sensical post-it notes, but i believe it only adds to my inexplicable charm. i like to write. it. down., then cross. it. off. it is a self-satisfying little thing i do. sometimes it causes me anxiety. but in those cases, i simply ignore the list. the real satisfaction comes from seeing activities numbered and printed on a random sheet of paper, and serves as a reminder of my potential. hence, there are many, many half-crossed lists around my house. apparently, i am not living up to my potential.

but tonight, there is a current, running list: our menu. i love a meal plan and accompanying grocery list, although i'm nowhere near as good as thisgirl. girlfriend is rockin' it! but back to me.

(list)
(uploaded from my new blogger app. smartphones are so NEAT.)

i try. i really do. and i have managed to really adhere to my dinner menu so far, so i'll recount it for you here. potential-measuring, if you will.

sunday - toasted gnocchi with pesto, tomatos & goat cheese. simple and yummy
monday - praise-the-braise chicken with feta & tomato. i love a crockpot. i improvised here with canned tomatoes with juice instead of broth and goat cheese.
tuesday - grilled lemon steelhead trout that looks suspiciously like salmon, with rice & brown sugar green beans.
wednesday - tricked-out pepperoni tombstone pizza. usually, it's leftovers, but i ate them for lunch today.
thursday - turkey turnovers. again with the subbing of goatcheese. mainly because i didn't feel like spending $15 on cheese, which is a major accomplishment for me.
friday - this says shrimp pesto pasta, but i'm betting on leftovers OR orange balsamic chicken thighs with spinach.
saturday - out of town. someone feed the lawyer, please.
sunday - this is usually pizza night, but i'm going with shrimp pesto pasta.
monday - leftovers, again usually reserved for wednesday nights.
tuesday - tuna steaks with rice and green beans (2 staples i keep stocked).
wednesday - black bean tortillas with prosciutto, goat cheese, corn and tomatoes.
thursday - pizza.

and that's as far as i've gotten. but i'm impressed with myself.

part 2: tonight's dinner conversation.

me: (mostly yapping about convos with friends while the lawyer gobbles up dinner)
the lawyer: (mostly gobbling while pretending to look interested in things he doesn't care about)
me: did you like it?
the lawyer: mmm, yes baby. really good. (exits table and opens deep freezer.)
me: are you getting ice cream?
the lawyer: yes.
me: what kind?
the lawyer: moose tracks.
me: can i have your wine?

this exchange is a total flip-flop of what normally happens.

Monday, October 17, 2011

back again

since my last post, i've had several meltdowns (all house-related), suffered several mind-numbing msu losses, missed my niece's 2nd birthday, gotten riled up countless times about prop 26 in MS, and acquired a short-lived tenant in the form of a lizard. he scurried in one friday afternoon, and was found last thursday evening in my sink. gross.

life has not been kind to my blogging schedule. i vow to do better. first on my list is my opinion on prop 26 this nov. 8.

for now, it's back to the daily grind.


Thursday, September 29, 2011

roxy's revenge

it was a terrible tuesday.
it was so bad i haven't been able to even find energy to blog about it until thursday.


you see that photo? that was my tub filling up with water.
it's also my first mobile upload. insert smartphone pride here.

monday night, i decided the roxy needed a bath. she is not fond of them, but tolerates them well enough so she isn't a total pain. she's actually pretty accepting of this activity, or at least resigned to her occasional fate, which really just makes her all the more pitiful. and oh my gosh, those eyes. she will just look at me like i've betrayed her and shaken her faith in the natural order of things. but i'm tough and i get over it.

it was late in the evening, maybe 8:30, when we got done. the lawyer had promised to wash dishes. i was finishing up in the bathroom, and he was stacking pots and spoons, when i turned the water off in the tub. or tried.

see, our tub faucet had just been replaced. after that replacement, you couldn't actually stop turning the knob and have the water shut off. it would keep turning. so you kind of had to time the knob-turning to get it to the smallest leakage point, which was right before "full blast" again. i had gotten really good at it.

well.

i turned the knob. the water did not turn off. it didn't even switch to "leak." it just kept going.
so, water was pouring into my tub. the water level was rising. roxy's making a break for the living room rug to have a good shake. i kept turning. nothing.

i began to lose my cool.

i mean, it's bedtime, and the water won't turn off, and the water level is not going down. so i hollered for ben, a little shellshocked. he tinkered with it, but with no success. in fact, i was sure at that moment he had made it infinitely worse, but that's because i was becoming hysterical. next, i called our landlord. at 9 pm, because that's when landlords are able to take care of plumbing problems, you know. long story short, ben had to trek down our driveway in the dark to shut off the water main. then he had to come back and go back with a pair of pliers, because he needed those to actually turn the water off.

at this point, i was wailing. seriously. i was dramatic about it in every sense of the word, because this water business had ruined my evening plans of dish-washing and potty-flushing, and life would never be the same and we would never be ok again. so we went to bed without brushing our teeth, making the coffee, washing the dishes or flushing the toilet. and i'm telling you, after we shut the water off, all i wanted to do was pee and flush with abandon. funny how you don't think about stuff like that until you can't do it. to make matters worse, even after the lawyer turned off the water main, the tub was still dripping juuuuuuuust a bit. my tub actually mocked me. and i'm pretty sure i saw roxy smirking.

but we had a plan. we'd wake up super early, and ben would go turn the water back on so we could shower and make coffee and flush (i keep going back to that one...). we'd just let the tub run, i'd shower in ben's shower upstairs, and our world would be semi-righted until the plumber could arrive.

epic. fail.

i did not sleep well due to my anxiety and woke up several times in the night. so of course, i was awakened at 5 am with the requisite thunder, lightning and pouring rain. ben wasn't wild about getting dressed and trekking down the driveway to put pliers to a metal pipe while it was lightning and monsooning. life 8000, langs -2.

early morning. major storm. no water for coffee, showering, teeth-brushing, flushing. nothing. so i packed a bag and headed to the clinic, where i washed my face, brushed my teeth and washed off my armpits with a washcloth. i spent the entire day dirty and tired and really just pissed about it all.

thankfully, that afternoon the sun shone on us. the water lines got fixed up, we got a new faucet and now water only runs when i allow it. life is beautiful again.

oh, yeah, my washing machine quit draining too. i still have 4 inches of standing water in there.

home sweet home.

coming soon

a blog about my terrible tuesday. just you wait.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

picture post

because i like you, i've posted pictures.

lots of pictures.